Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
