in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
