why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
