Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
