last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
