Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
