Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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