so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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