Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
