It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
