i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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