I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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