Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
