Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
