come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
