i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
