I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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