btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
