if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
