fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
