I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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