Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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