rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
