Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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