I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
