so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
