Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize