I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
