I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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