I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
