that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
