Have you finally orgasmed yet?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
