Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
