really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize