Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
