now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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