That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
