you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
