Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
