I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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