im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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