Heybabeimwearingurpanties
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
