If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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