they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
