Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
