Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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