So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
