I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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