Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize