Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
