Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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