I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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