a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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