I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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