fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
