I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
