i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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