went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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