so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
