Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
