Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
