Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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