I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
