her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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