I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
