I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
