On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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